I look out into the crowd. The light is shining in my face, but I know the room is full of people. I feel my nerves kick in. Then I hear a voice over the sound system, “Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the 2009 America’s Homecoming Queen Competition! In just a few minutes we will be seeing the ladies in their evening gowns, please take your seats...” I use this minute to think how I managed to get all the way to Anaheim, California...
It was a cold, rainy, fall day in October. I was a senior at North County High school and it was Homecoming. I was shocked to hear my name called as the winner of the 2008 Homecoming Queen. The student body roared. This was where I thought my homecoming adventures ended. But I was wrong.
A few weeks later in the mail I received a packet from a scholarship organization called “America’s Homecoming Queen Inc.” I was given an opportunity to compete in a pageant for a scholarship. I’m no pageant princess, but hey, for a scholarship it might be worth it.
I was chosen to compete for the Maryland title. I met a lot of awesome girls, and to my surprise, at the end of the weekend, I found myself standing in front of the judges with a sash, bouquet and crown. I had won the Maryland’s Homecoming Queen Title. My next stop: California.
This brings me full circle to this dark room full of people, and back to my nerves which are now feeling more like birds than butterflies. Hailey Vincent, Louisiana’s homecoming queen is walking, which means I’m on next. All I can think is how far I’ve come in such a small amount of time. It’s only in adventure and risk taking that one can succeed in finding where they belong.
Word count:309
Point: It’s only in adventure and risk taking that one can succeed in finding where they belong.
"This brings me full circle to this dark room full of people, and back to my nerves which are now feeling more like birds than butterflies" I like that line it's very artsy and paints a portrait. Im unsure if there was a flash back/ or flash forward but you switched from homecoming 2009 to Homecoming 2008. I didnt know if that was done on purpose. Since you chose that your point was that only being adventurous and taking risks can you succeed maybe you should show us what you mean by risks ot atleast tell us why it is considered a risk.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Corey! I love how you went back to the first paragraph and that scene where youre all consumed with nerves and what not. Tell more of how you felt after this whole thing happened because you said that your point was that it's only in risk and adventure where one can succeed in finding where they belong; just incorporate this more into your story. Great job hon!
ReplyDeleteAmazing grammar, I wish mine was as good as yours. There is a lot of Show in the beginning, but it seems to become more tell than show by the end of the story.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your input guys!!! see you in class tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteI think your essay is well written. Thats crazy how you got into those pageants so fast out of nowhere. Definitely one of the better stories I've read. The only thing that turns me off is how the end leaves you hanging.
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